Must be of a cheerful disposition – preferably with military training

“K.” Rebecca said to me “you have to watch Nanny McPhee. I’ve brought the DVD with me. You’ll love it!”

No doubt I will do – but the DVD player packed up within a couple of hours of us arriving in Maison Loubes. Very kindly, Mum and Dad took the old one (under guarantee) back to Leclerc in Dax and exchanged it for a EUR 99 one, which works. Well it works after Daddy spent at least six hours burning the midnight oil trying to figure out why we could only get a picture in black and white and only after the electrician from St Sever turned up to sort it out for us. So, perhaps this evening once the “little ‘uns” are settled I will be able to sit down with Becky and the “big ‘uns” to watch Nanny McPhee.

Now, I know that a bunch of unruly kids makes for a great little yarn: take The Sound of Music, Mary Poppins and Peter Pan as an example. You know the story line – no one can keep wild kids under control until some super-nova nanny/au pair/child-minder turns up who “understands the kids” is perfectly able to keep “all of them entertained at the same time regardless of age or sex” is skilled enough to “make clothes from old curtains” and one who has the ability “to fly them to some cartoon-world where they can sing with the penguins”. The reality, sadly, though is that these kind of things exist in fairy-tales only. The nanny’s that is.

“The problem with our kids,” I said to a friend the other day “is that they are a bit like the von Trapp family. Fun, wild, adventurous but its impossible for us to keep good babysitters. They come once and always have excuses why they can’t come the next time.”

Nevertheless one lives in hope. G. and I have taken the decision to try and get an au pair for September. Trying to jig the needs of four kids with differing ages and sexes is a challenge that is increasingly beyond me. What with J. taking up football when we get back from our holidays in August and what with K.M and L. having ballet lessons on different days and at different times and what with G. being away a lot of the time and what with me trying to go to the gym at least twice a week; and what with me last but not least having to work – having an au pair seems like a very sensible albeit pricey solution.

It was with much excitement, therefore, that I got an e-mail from G. last week telling me that an agency, which came highly recommended, had sent us the details of a girl from the Ukraine who had chosen our family. Yes, she had actually chosen our family. I suppose we had dressed the "job discription" up a bit to make it look very attractive. She looked lovely. Kind, sweet and eager. She only weighed 54 kg (seemingly they have to fill that kind of info in) and had some experience working with young children for the past two years. Upon further inspection though Anastasia had only worked for families with one cute-looking little girl; had only been responsible for taking an aged looking dachshund for a walk in the afternoon and came from a small family with one (sensible looking) older brother – photos were included.

But how was this young slip of a thing going to cope with "Do you want to die R?! Do you want to die?" and "I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you". This is typical J. speak when he's bored and has nothing better to do than yell nonsence. Or how would she cope when one of the kids plays up and is bolshy because they are tired after school and don't want to eat soup. Or how would she cope having to call them away from the TV to tell them that supper is ready. How would she cope with our early morning routine described elsewhere in this blog?

“G,” I said “this girl is great but I’m not sure if it will work for our family. She looks lovely but has no experience of dealing with four demanding kids and looks as though Belle will pull her over when she goes for a walk. Within two weeks of arrival she’ll have her bags packed and her eyes trained East for the return journey. Doesn’t this agency have some Ukrainian candidate whose a bit tougher – you know preferably one whose had at least two years training with the Ukrainian paratroopers and comes from a large family of seven kids? ”

Seemingly though those kind of people don’t apply for au pair jobs. Such a shame because there are no convents in the vicinity with any novices to spare and lets face it Mary Poppins is not going to glide down in front of our house the next time the wind changes and tidy up rooms with a “spoon full of sugar”.

Wish us luck – I’m sure there is someone out there “with a cheerful disposition” who would really, really love the challenge of working with four loveable and attentive little VC-G's. Its great fun really – and no L. doesn’t go all wild before she goes to bed. Oh and R. does go to sleep the moment he’s tucked in. Oh and J. is as good as gold once he’s behind his PSP. Oh and you can always rely on K.M. to keep the whole house cheerful. Any candidates? Any one?